Smooth_groover

I'd give her one in the eye.

Eugene is so shit it actually works for him!

her fanny?

her minge?

her twaj?

her axe wound?

This thread had just made me realise that I aint had a drink in over a fortnight! 8o

That'll soon change on payday though!

And, I'm off to turkey in a few weeks so a diet of kebabs and booze will ensure the drastic drop of my life expectancy!

I've totaly changed my opinion on Makosi after last night. I think she's shit hot! I can't stand Saskia though. With her 'attitude thang'

A man walks into a pub and asks "How much is a pint of Fosters"?

The barman replies "1.40"

Get it? One Pound Forty ?

Your mother's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she looks at the menu and says "OK"!

Broken bollock

Silver Chair - Neon Ballroom - shite.

I watched Countdown on Friday and sat thinking "Whiteley really is the man"

My grandma's gonna be gutted... shit.

As will almost every pensioner in Britain. Such a shame. I miss the days of watching Countdown with my Grandma.

Yeah but almost every wrestler at that time was just some middle-aged guy in tights doing cheesy things in the ring for peoples' entertainment. Gone are the days when matches were decided by terrifying moves such as the dreaded scoop slam.

Or a 'clothes line'

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Michael

Michael who?

Fuck off!

About 4 years ago I was drinking straight whiskey in my flat for about 8 hours solid. Me forgetting to eat anything beforehand resulted in some serious boak. Anyway, I tried to 'hold it in' for as long as I could but ended up puking out of the window, and straight onto the window of the guy who lived below me. Cue me outside, sare, at 4 in the morning, with a cloth and bucket trying to wipe the puke off his window without waking him.

Anyway, the hangover I suffered the next day lasted for about 15 hours. That was the worst case of the boak I've ever had.

Haha! That's great! She sounds like a right fuckwit. I still haven't seen it with the new folk in it but they sound like twats.

Fuckwit is the word.

One of the first things that Conga chick said when entering the house was "Oh I think Kamal is great, I hope he wins"! ..... erm, so why the fuck are you there?

Without You, by El Presidente

People that wear bluetooth headsets. It's bigger than a handsfree kit - yes' date=' you may say, it has no wire, but what does that really achieve? It achieves the effect of having a contraption attached to the side of your head that makes you look like the bellend referee from Gladiators.[/quote']

Haha, if only scene points were still around.

Och nae Roberto ken?

Ach thats a shame, I also enjoyed reading the comments I recieved. Oh well.

One of my work mates wasn't looking to well the other day so I asked him

"you all right"?

and he replied

"No, I'm half left"

That pissed me off.

I used to think that's why I was always late for work, because I slept in after being woken up during the night. But no, it's because the FUCKING BUS DRIVER DRIVES AWAY TOO EARLY!!!

Well I'm off to Turkey in 3 weeks for 2 weeks. But apart from that I'll be working. That's assuming I don't win the lottery on Saturday!

Every fucking night. But it's always a different person!

People who don't have their change ready. You've been standing there for 15 minutes and NOW you decide to get your change out? Fucking hell.

Ah that pisses me off so much!

Another thing that really fries my noodle are the people who, instead of actualy getting off the bus as required - stand and speak to the fucking driver about random shite! They just don't give a shit about the people who actualy WANT to get home.

But the biggest piss takers are some of the drivers themselves! I've lost count of the times I've been walking up to the bus (while it's been sitting at the terminus for 10 minutes) and the cunt drives away - while LOOKING at me in the rear view mirror! The worst thing about it is, that their driving away about 5 fucking minutes early!

Anyway, here are some more things that "dee ma heed in"

1. People who don't have enough money to get on the bus, when the driver says "sorry, not enough", they reply "Oh come on"....what the fuck do you mean "oh come on?" it's YOUR fucking fault.

2. Customers who come into my shop asking for a certain item that we are out of stock of at the time. When we say to them it's not available they say shit like "Oooh come on...Ive just made a 60 mile trip to get this thing" ... erm, excuse me but FUCK OFF! THATS WHAT TELEPHONES ARE FOR! call us first before assuming things!

3. People who slag off music they don't like - it's the most pointless thing ever.

4. Being woken up at 3.30am by some drunken fellow outside arguing with a cat.

I used to hate going to the dentist when I was a wee un'. When I was about 8 or 9, I went, knowing I was about to get some teeth removed. I was so scared, when I was sitting on the chair about to get the gas I told the dentist I wanted to speak to my mum about something. When he opened the door, I ran out of the building, all the way into town and stole the Terminator 2 soundtrack from HMV

Boy did I get a hiding that night!!!