Demon Of The Fall Posted July 12, 2005 Report Share Posted July 12, 2005 1. Tell them every metal band worships the devil. 2. Ask if all black metal bands are trying to copy KISS or just most of them. 3. Hide their joint under their library card. 4. Ask if they know of any other cool bands like Slipknot. 5. If they're listening to metal, tell them it sounds like some mainstream band. Doesn't matter who. 6. Say it's all a ripoff of Iron Butterfly anyway. 7. Ask if they've given their souls to Jesus yet. 8. Vaguely imply that you're gay and would like their company for the evening. 9. Record over their Cannibal Corpse albums with other Cannibal Corpse albums and see if they ever notice the difference. 10. Refuse to accept their fake I.D. 11. Ask how much Dio got paid for his role as Stuart Little. 12. Use the phrase "cookie monster vocals" and act like it's the funniest, most original thing you've ever come up with. 13. If they're listening to metal, tell them "These guys don't have talent. Now (insert any mainstream band here), those guys have talent!" 14. Say "What is vinyl?" 15. Point out how homosexual Manowar is. If they agree, tell them the only thing more homosexual is Black Sabbath with Dio. 16. Tell them it all sounds the same. 17. Admit that Cliff Burton was a dirty hippy who had already peaked musically. 18. If they say they love 80s metal, ask them what ever happened to Poison. 19. Tell them you like underground music too, like (insert the newest overhyped fashionable loud-ish band from the radio) 20. Point out that Tarja from Nightwish can't sing. 21. Insist that Emperor videos would be better if they used a dance troupe. 22. Ask if Mayhem is Marilyn Manson's band. 23. Divert their CD shipments to the local Jewish community center. 24. Write "God Loves You" on their Venom backpatch. 25. Point out that just about every genre of music has an underground with bands who have integrity, so metal really isn't that unique. 26. Post under their nickname on a power metal board and say Ray Alder shits all over John Arch. 27. Take out the Iron Maiden disc and put in 50 Cent. 28. Give them a spiky pop-punk haircut while they sleep. 29. Pronounce "Celtic Frost" correctly. 30. If they're over 25, say that people can still rock even if they have an unplanned child or two and drive a grocery getter. Then point and laugh. 31. Tell them you're not hiring and to try the other Cinnabon down the street. 32. Sit quietly and applaud politely at a metal show. 33. Make them be sober for five whole seconds. 34. Ask if Randy Rhoads was on the same flight as John Denver. 35. Tell them Korn brought metal back to life in the 90s. 36. Turn the bass way up on their stereo. 37. Laugh at Slayer for stealing their name from the Buffy show. 38. Call Doro fat. 39. Call them on their horrible grammar and/or spelling. 40. Remind them that metal is partially derived from the blues. Then accuse them of being wiggers. 41. Use the phrase "balls in a vice" at least three times when talking about classic metal and/or power metal vocalists. 42. If it's a guy with long hair, address him as if he were female. Don't correct yourself about it. 43 .Be impressed with how much RoadRunner Records has improved over the past ten years. 44. Say you love Metallica's debut, The Black Album. 45. Notice that Lemmy hasn't moved his left hand in 30 years of playing bass. 46. Refer to metal as "that kill-your-father, rape-your-mother stuff." 47. Ask them if their favorite band is so good, how come nobody has ever heard of them. 48. Pine for the good old days when Pour Some Sugar On Me was a big hit. 49. Tell them you used to be a metalhead, but grew out of it when you started listening to more intellectual stuff like (insert any band at all here) 50. Post a list of "Ways To Annoy Metal Fans" knowing full well that so many of them internalize everything and can't take a joke Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue Denim.. Posted July 12, 2005 Report Share Posted July 12, 2005 15. Point out how homosexual Manowar is. If they agree' date=' tell them the only thing more homosexual is Black Sabbath with Dio. [/quote']I'm just amazed that Manowar still get talked about to this day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest b-bert Posted July 12, 2005 Report Share Posted July 12, 2005 45. Notice that Lemmy hasn't moved his left hand in 30 years of playing bass. are you suggeting he even sleeps with it??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jake Wifebeater Posted July 12, 2005 Report Share Posted July 12, 2005 One way to make a metal-head happy : point him in the direction of something better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pete_inthehills Posted July 12, 2005 Report Share Posted July 12, 2005 18. If they say they love 80s metal' date=' ask them what ever happened to Poison. [/quote']what did ever happen to Poison or Faster pussycat for that matter?....oh yeah, who cares?Pete Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liam Posted July 12, 2005 Report Share Posted July 12, 2005 haha, this is funny. im directing them at the small crowd of pain loving, mother raping queers at my school, this shall be fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dayeth Posted July 12, 2005 Report Share Posted July 12, 2005 Your Own Disaster?What...is that My Downfall from a different point of view? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calum Posted July 12, 2005 Report Share Posted July 12, 2005 Your Own Disaster?What...is that My Downfall from a different point of view?Yes. If that makes it easier for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dayeth Posted July 12, 2005 Report Share Posted July 12, 2005 Yes. If that makes it easier for you.What...it's more complex than that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liam Posted July 12, 2005 Report Share Posted July 12, 2005 haha, were actually pop-punk (which if you know me, aint too surprising) *continues writing song about skateboarding and ex-girlfriends* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dayeth Posted July 12, 2005 Report Share Posted July 12, 2005 that's not complex. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liam Posted July 12, 2005 Report Share Posted July 12, 2005 damn right it's not, cus im a shit guitarist! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Afro Droid Posted July 12, 2005 Report Share Posted July 12, 2005 what did ever happen to Poison or Faster pussycat for that matter?....oh yeah' date=' who cares?Pete[/quote']If anyone does - Faster Pussycat still do reunion shows in LA and Taime Down DJ. They're still shit. Brett Micheals from Poison is a country and western singer in the same vein as shite like Garth Brooks. CC Deville is fucked up on drugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick Maverik Posted July 12, 2005 Report Share Posted July 12, 2005 If anyone does - Faster Pussycat still do reunion shows in LA and Taime Down DJ. They're still shit. Brett Micheals from Poison is a country and western singer in the same vein as shite like Garth Brooks. CC Deville is fucked up on drugs.Faster Pussycat rock man I think they are fuckin' ace! Music is too whiney, growly and mediocre these day. Whatever happened to the days of balls to the wall gritty verses and big cheesy sing along choruses? Andyp.s. you can't really define a metal head, there are so many different branches of it. Power Metal is a far cry from Death Metal for e.g. All in all it's just music.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acey Trixx Posted July 12, 2005 Report Share Posted July 12, 2005 mr lucifer are poison not still around?they toured with kiss last year in america i thought..or it says on their site 2004 tour with kiss...unless someone is just toying with my fragile emotions at the hope of one day seeing poison live Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frosty Jack Posted July 13, 2005 Report Share Posted July 13, 2005 I saw Faster Pussycat at the Barrowlands once. Fantastic gig. Good God they were shit.My first car was named after their guitarist...FROSTYFACT. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Afro Droid Posted July 13, 2005 Report Share Posted July 13, 2005 Faster Pussycat rock man I think they are fuckin' ace! Music is too whiney' date=' growly and mediocre these day. Whatever happened to the days of balls to the wall gritty verses and big cheesy sing along choruses? [/quote']Believe me I agree, but there are way better bands from that era IMO.There's a really good interview with Ric Brownde, who produced both FP and Poison here:http://www.metalsludge.tv/main/index.php?module=subjects&func=viewpage&pageid=275 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hog Posted July 13, 2005 Report Share Posted July 13, 2005 I saw Faster Pussycat at the Barrowlands once. Fantastic gig. Good God they were shit.My first car was named after their guitarist...FROSTYFACT.Really! That must of been a wee while ago Frosty! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demon Of The Fall Posted July 13, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2005 Yes. If that makes it easier for you.get out of my thread! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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